It’s before 8am and we’re slightly wary when our taxi driver disappears around the bend, having dropped us off at Khai Dinh, the twelfth Emperor’s, tomb. We’ve tried to negotiate his return to take us back to the hotel so we can meet Hyung and Bé for our journey to Hoi An, but no amount of sign language, pointing at watches and promise of an extra tip has convinced us that we’ve been understood. We’ll have to take our chances.

Fortunately, what lies before us up a huge flight of very steep steps, is definitely worth this additional excursion. Khai Dinh was the penultimate emperor of Vietnam, and was educated in France, bringing back many of the cultural influences of Europe to his home country. In death, his tomb almost rivals Versailles or St Peter’s Basilica for intricate and ornate design.

Very different to his predecessor Tu Doc, this mausoleum is a marble masterpiece, sitting atop a number of levels populated with rows of statues of warriors, horses and elephants which bring to mind Xi’an’s Terracotta Army. Inside the tomb the decoration is spectacular and sitting at the heart of it is an imposing statue of Khai Dinh himself gazing outwards on a beautiful vista of rural Vietnam. It really is quite beautiful.

After about 40 minutes we’ve exhausted the sights and return to the roadside, wondering if our taxi driver will return. There’s an empty bus park nearby where we wait for him but soon we start getting nervous that we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere. There’s nothing for it, we’re going to have to either hitchhike or see if we can hail a passing taxi. Eventually a car hoves into view and we flag it down, only to find it is indeed our taxi driver, returning ten minutes later than expected, but arriving to the rescue nonetheless.

Hyung is once again waiting for us as we check out, and I tell her we’re excited for the journey ahead, which takes us over the Hai Van Pass to Hoi An, a drive reputed to be the most beautiful in all of Vietnam. “That’s just marketing,” she responds, her buzz-killing properties in full effect once more.

Our drive takes us along the AH1 road which runs the length of Vietnam from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City, much of it parallel to the rickety railroad. We’d considered taking the newly revamped Transunification Express train at one point to reduce our carbon footprint, but had been told that it would take too much time in our tight schedule. Hyung makes no bones about it. “You would hate it,” she insists. “It is dirty and noisy and hot and unpleasant.” She’s quite the advert for her country.

The drive however is fascinating in parts, travelling past rice paddies and a vast lagoon where the Perfume River meets the South China Sea. Hyung tells us the Vietnamese refer to it as the Eastern Sea, their nervousness and dislike for the Chinese becoming ever more apparent throughout our trip. After an hour or so, we start the climb up to the Hai Van Pass. The road is 24km long and ascends 500 metres, affording wonderful views over the tropical coastline.

At the top, the Hai Van Pass is marked by ancient guard towers that denoted the old borders between the Vietnamese Kingdom in the north and the Champa Kingdom of the south – which also included parts of Cambodia. Later it formed part of the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) that separated the communist north from the westernised south, and the towers are studded with bullet holes, which testify to the fierce fighting between the US forces and the Viet Cong.

Bé pulls over so that we can climb up, past swarming tourists, to the top and gaze out across Vietnam but the cloudy sky means that the city of Danang on the horizon is a hazy imprint, rather than a glistening beachfront metropolis. Its curving beaches can be seen around the bay but heavy industry and factories surround the area.

Hyung informs us as we descend down the other side of the Hai Van Pass and drive towards Danang that the Vietnamese government have a vision for it as the Asian Miami; a seaside city with luxury hotels attracting huge amounts of Asian tourists. Western tourists, she explains, prefer the traditional, historic beauty of the town of Hoi An, thirty minutes further south, but Asian tourists – who, she explains, all travel together in groups preferring package trips to individual holidaying – all want to stay in the biggest, flashiest, shiniest and newest hotels of Danang.

The fastest route to Hoi An is the ring-road around the city but I ask if instead we can drive through it and see the sights, which Hyung grudgingly acquiesces to. There’s not a lot of note, it being a pretty new urban development, but we cross its famous bridge and stop soon after for a comfort break in the shadow of the Marble Mountains, which rise in eroding formations just south of the city.

It’s 2pm when we eventually reach Hoi An, our destination for the next four days, and a chance for us to unwind in one place, something we’re very much looking forward to when we pull into the gorgeous grounds of the Anantara Hotel, on the banks of the river, just on the outskirts of the old town. Saying farewell to the rather stressful presence of Hyung we instantly relax, being handed cool towels by the reception team and led across the lawn to the restaurant for lunch.

The relaxation is tempered somewhat by the heart-racing prices of the food and drink on the menu, which are mirrored in our beautiful suite by the laundry prices on offer. Being away for a month, and with limited baggage allowance on our internal flights, we’ve only packed enough clothes for two weeks at a time and are intending to launder them all in the hotel. However, there’s no way we’re going to spend $120 USD having our underwear washed by the hotel, so unpack everything and pile our dirty laundry into a big bag hoping to find a local launderette.

One other thing we need to take advantage of while we’re here is the hotel gym, to ensure that I keep fit for the cycle ride I’ll be doing at the end of the trip. So while Coman heads to the pool for a swim, I clamber on top of the exercise bike and work up a sweat for an hour, pleased to discover all the training I’ve done in the run up to Christmas doesn’t seem to have gone to waste.

It does mean we’ve worked up quite an appetite by early evening, having had only the lightest of lunches in the ludicrously over-priced restaurant. Aware that we have four nights here, we decide to just go for a short stroll through the Old Town to get our bearings, rather than try and see everything on our first night. It is absolutely magical though with crumbling buildings, Chinese architecture, little boutiques, pedestrianised streets and everywhere we look festooned with lanterns.

Just a few minutes down the road from our hotel we come upon a gallery exhibiting stunning pictures of Vietnam taken by the photographer Réhahn, one of which is hanging above the bed in our suite. We fall in love with his work instantly and end up buying three prints of Hoi An, including the photo in our hotel. They really capture the essence of Vietnam.

Next door to the gallery is a backpacker hostel and travel company called Tribee Bana, offering trips to the regions’ attractions, and a laundry service of just $1/kilo. Our dirty clothes weigh exactly three kilos so we make a saving of well over $100 by taking our clothes just a few minutes down the road. We also purchase tickets for a day trip to the ruins of My Son, plus a riverboat cruise back, for well over $100 less than the Anantara quoted us just to visit the ruins. It pays to shop around!

We eat dinner at Highway 4, a lovely vegetarian restaurant nearby. It’s decorated in a cute, modern yet rustic style and the food is absolutely spectacular, full of fresh zesty flavours, hot with chilli and presented beautifully, along with hibiscus flower mocktails. The lady owner comes to talk to us and insists that Coman is a famous movie star. We try to put her straight but she continues to tell us that he starred in Mission Impossible with Tom Cruise. 

Eventually she gets out her phone to Google the film and triumphantly produces a photo she thinks is him. Seems I’ve actually married the British actor Simon Pegg instead. We laugh it off but she’s certain Coman is famous and presents us with some lovely desserts. Who are we to complain?! It’s a slightly surreal end to a lovely meal and we wander back to the hotel full, happy and excited to explore the wonders of Hoi An in the morning.