The alarm goes off at 6am and I hurry downstairs for breakfast, fuelling up for the 75kms of cycling ahead. Wandering around the tables I distribute pollution masks to those who want them, many of whom are taken aback by the thick smog outside the hotel windows, and we’re all on board the coaches at 8am to drive us 45 minutes out of Phu Ly to escape the heavy traffic, much of which is heading to the vast cement factories which are belching out toxic fumes.

A line-up photo is taken by the side of the road and then we’re off, cycling down pot-holed side roads and juddering dirt tracks, along the side of canals and out into the fabled Ninh Binh countryside, full of mythical limestone karsts rising up like the back of a dragon... but obscured by mist, smog and thick clouds. On we travel past paddy-fields and water buffalos, stopping after 13km for refreshments and a toilet break in a very generous but awestruck family’s house by the side of the road.

Gradually as the temperature increases and the sun breaks through the views improve, leading us through fascinating landscapes until we arrive at our second rest stop, the temple complex of Bai Dinh, with its tall pagoda and tranquil lake beside which fellow Truants lie down to rest and bask in the fleeting rays. It’s a well-needed rest for the next leg is unwittingly much longer than expected due to the ride organisers taking a wrong turn and many of us ending up lost.

By the time we’ve all been rounded up like lost sheep and guided through the glorious trails and rugged paths of Trang An to reach our lunch stop at the 55km mark, we’re all ravenous and fall upon the rice, tofu and vegetables as if it’s the finest meal on earth… the carnivores delighting in their lumps of chicken and looking at us non-meat eaters as though we’re insane. Bless them.

The restaurant we gather at, the Quoc Khanh Bamboo Homestay, sits in an incredible location, with spectacular views of river and cliffs, and is at the heart of back-packer guesthouses and little bars, its tranquillity shattered by the huffing, puffing, swearing, chattering, clattering noise of the Truants in full flow, hydrating with cans of coke, beers and the sweet relief of not-pedalling for an hour.

What follows that afternoon though is the vision of rural Vietnam I had in my mind, as we cycle off road through the beautiful Ninh Binh countryside, taking in the majestic limestone rocks and gorges, the snaking rivers along which women row boats of intrepid tourists with their feet. We push on in single file, our bikes taking a hammering as we bounce in wrist-shaking, buttock-destroying tremors along pitted paths, treacherous ditches and muddy fields to arrive in the town of Tam Coc at 4pm where we eventually pull into the Hidden Charm Hotel.

It’s a lovely place to spend the night and, hallelujah!, the room has a bath into which I sink my exhausted body before having a proper, Zen massage – without the added distraction of having to fight off the unwanted advances of a bemused hooker. Deliciously refreshed I join the Truants gathered in the gardens for a cocktail before we all troupe into Tam Coc for a very entertaining, wine-fuelled dinner at Bamboo Restaurant.

Tam Coc is obviously a party-hotspot for tourists and there’s a lot of restaurants and bars, which it would be rude not to explore so a posse of us including Alex, Alan, Kulveer and Barry weave our way past karaoke double-decker buses and al fresco pop-up bars to an establishment called Dao Phuket where we end up playing nerve-wracking games of Jenga and Connect 4, like party animals! I leave the revelries to walk back to the hotel before midnight, mindful of the day to come tomorrow, unsurprised to see green faces the next morning from the ones who had been ordering round after round as I left!