Singapore
There are moments in life which seem somewhat unreal and settling back on the top deck of a new-fangled Airbus A380 with the announcement welcoming us on board our Qantas flight to Singapore, I'm suddenly hit by the craziness of this new adventure.
For weeks this has been an improbable jaunt, a fabled trip to the Orient that has been too exotic to be true, so I've not really accepted it's actually going to happen. But every hurdle of uncertainty, budget, timing and sheer regional unpredictability has been overcome and here I am, shaking hands with the man sitting to my right called Evangelus ("I'm from Cyprus," he explains, before admitting in a broad London accent he's born and bred in Archway) and pondering what awaits me over the next week or so.
Evangelus is not the first interestingly named man of the day. A few hours earlier a dawn cab cruised leisurely down our street, almost 20 minutes late, with an unhurried 'DJ Trixy' at the helm. Having ungallantlly apologised for being late by blaming it on the "stupid cow" in the minicab office who took the booking last night, I tell him not to risk taking me to Heathrow but to get me to Paddington as quickly as possible so I can hop on the train.
Trixy assures me he'll "floor it, bro" and then starts talking nineteen to the dozen. He wants to know why I'm going to Heathrow. "Is it holidays or is you on work or somefink?" I tell him it's work and he asks what I do. Instead of coming up with a white lie to save myself hassle, I unthinkingly tell him the truth. "Man, my cousin's signed to EMI," he reveals excitedly. Apparently Dappy, of N'Dubz 'fame' is a member of his family. Thankfully, though he's not a member of EMI's family. This confuses him.
DJ Trixy, it transpires, is not just a second-generation Turkish cabbie from Walthamstow, but apparently a renowned producer of beats who has worked with everyone from So Solid to Beenie Man, Tim Westwood to Tinie Tempah. However, he's a bit non-plussed when I mention my connection to Tinie and innocently ask him what he's worked on with the UK's newest superstar. Instead of an answer, a hasty fumble with the stereo ensues and I get to hear his new track, which is "all over" pirate radio and sounds nothing like Mr Tempah.
It's a bit early in the day for me to pretend to be into pseudo-Jamaican dancehall so I nod my head in time to the music and send an email to my sister about my nephew's 18th birthday instead, pretending it's important music business stuff. The track over, Trixy reveals he's waiting for a call back from Sony "any day now" and that Jessie J's manager is due to be in touch as well.
I wish him luck, advise him to get a website sorted and suggest he ditches the monotonous male singer on his track in favour of a girl with a decent set of pipes. Soon enough we're at Paddington and with a shake of hands I'm on my way.
Making it to Terminal 3 with a bit of time to spare I head over to the Bureau de Change and load up on local currency. Moments later I'm not only flush with Singaporean dollars but an instant Indonesian millionaire, pocketing two million rupees for a mere £160. Amazing, either inflation's way out of control over there or I'll come back having bought an entire village.
Once through security I bump into my colleague Dan from EMI, who is carrying a suit and heading off to LA for the Grammys. We have a brief chat and then I hotfoot it to the gate, and straight onto the plane where I meet Evangelus.
A lawyer for BT, now based in Singapore, Evangelus is a large avuncular chap who when I ask what I should see while I'm in Singapore laughs, pats his stomach, and says "I can recommend good restaurants but I'm not built for sightseeing!". He tells me I should head to 'Jumbo Seafood' on the East Coast which has great chilli crab, for which Singapore is apparently very famous.
A couple of further recommendations, and a glass of sparkling wine followed by a bloody mary later, and we're into each other's life histories, I've seen pictures of his children, we've discussed the politics of the Middle East, where to get the best food in Mumbai, terrorism in Jakarta (of which, more later) and the joys of Turkish food in Haringey. He's fascinated by the reasons for my trip and we talk about the nature of fame and how to manage it with integrity.
Our chat is interrupted by lunch and then a sudden and violent bout of turbulence which sees people in front of us flung around, our stewardess Jo bang her her head on the ceiling, a chap two rows away covered in white wine and a startled pilot shutting the stable door long after the horse has bolted by breathlessly instructing us to belt up, as passengers wipe their food from their laps and hair.
Evangelus in heroic style asks Jo if she is alright and then orders us a couple of glasses of port which she brings with a winning smile. Not long after imbibing, Evangelus is snoring loudly so I dig out the Singapore guidebook I've newly purchased for inspiration. I am charged with coming up with a sightseeing trip for the band and the journalist on Monday, so we can get some local colour for the piece and get the ball rolling with the feature.
Alarmingly, it seems that Singapore not only forbids the chewing of gum throughout its land but it's illegal to even bring the stuff into the country. And the same is true with any form of medication not accompanied by a doctor's prescription. So the four packets of Wrigleys Extra and 10 pills of valium left over from last year's trip to India that are currently residing in my rucksack are now contraband punishable with harsh severity. This is a place where jaywalking can see you flogged and the death penalty is frequently imposed for other transgressions!
Fortunately there are more pockets in my trousers than strictly necessary so I stash them away and turn attention to the local sights. Our hotel is located on Raffles Boulevard which hopefully means that landmark no.1, the world-famous Raffles Hotel, is but a short walk away. Apparently the delights of Chinatown, Little India, Arab Street, Singapore Zoo, the Botanical Gardens and Orchard Road are all eminently doable too. Taking onboard Evangelus' further recommendations for Peranakan cuisine (the local fusion of Malaysian and Chinese), I feel confident we'll get a good taste of the Lion City, as Singapore is known... and make a vibrant start to this new tale of Britain's most legendary metal band exploring distant lands.
But before all that sleep is required. It's 4pm UK time, so midnight in Singapore and we're somewhere over central Asia. The early start, various drinks and one of those Valium should all ensure that a bit of sleep is achieved.
Four hours of dozing later and I groggily stir. There's still plenty of flying time left, being a 13 hour flight, but slowly the hours pass and we start to descend into a golden dawn.
Changi Airport is possibly the most efficient I've ever been to, complete with orchids and giant bunnies for luck. We land at 8am, by 8.15 I've cleared immigration with a brand new stamp in the passport, by 8.30 I've collected my bag and cleared customs without incident and by 9am I'm checked in to my hotel and am climbing into bed, having driven past Raffles Hotel on the way. You don't get that trying to enter the United States!!
A leisurely sleep and then adventure awaits.
