Mumbai, India
Dr Mahesh Sompura arrives to our room within 30 minutes. He prods, he pokes, he takes my temperature, my blood pressure and my pulse, checks my breathing, my throat and my eyes puts a stethoscope to my heart and lungs, asks all sorts of questions and then, when I detail the food I've managed to eat in the last 24 hours (a pancake, chips and a big plates of cakes and sandwiches - admittedly not my finest hour) he looks horrified and gravely says, "You have to go on a restricted diet immediately. No food."
I'm sorry, did you just say "no food?" We've got a booking at 8pm at a fantastic restaurant called Gaylord. Honestly! It's very fancy, serves fabulous food and best of all it's called Gaylord. Imagine the fun we're going to be having? And we're to be seated on the verandah. At Gaylord!! We're looking forward to it.
"No food. Just liquids. And definitely no alcohol. You have an intestinal infection caused by a virus, most likely gastro enteritis. I don't think salmonella. Take this right now" - a pill in green packaging - "drink a large amount of fluids, stay near a bathroom and pick up this prescription from the hotel pharmacy as soon as you can."
Erm, ok. And how long do I have to stick to a liquid diet for? What?! Four days? Really? Oh God!
So, this is what I will be living on until I return to work back in the UK:
Cyclopam
Ciprofloxacin (every 12 hours)
Oral rehydration salts (frequently)
Acidophilus (every 8 hours)
Water (as much as I can)
If I'm feeling wild and adventurous I can go crazy and mix it up with apple juice, fresh lemon juice or coconut water. I'm allowed tea and to prevent utter starvation I can occasionally have a piece of dry toast ("absolutely no butter, fat or sugar"), a banana, some low fat yoghurt or a very small amount of steamed rice.
But only in emergencies. Otherwise I'm to stick purely to pills and water for four days to flush the virus from my system.
Tragically, it seems Gaylord has lost potentially its best-ever customers. And I've lost a bloody brilliant photo op, confined to just an evening stroll along Marine Drive promenade, taking in the local sights and sounds, and watching the twinkling city lights at night. But on the upside I should at least lose all the weight I've put on since coming here.
Indian karma strikes again...
